This was the first morning I found myself completely alone. My husband had meetings all day, and I had no Dr appointments to go to, or any testing to be done. I began to reflect on the past couple of weeks and how this cold, hearted bastard cancer has come into my life changing it forever, when suddenly I was hit with a full blown emotional meltdown. It was my time alone to process I guess.

I got a grip picked myself up and told cancer to bite me, and I headed out to the mall for a beauty day. I got a hair cut & color and went to Victoria Secrets to treat the - twin sissta’s to a couple of new pink bra’s. On the drive home I stopped off at Staples and bought a pink pen, a pink Sharpie highlighter, pink folder, pink appointment book, pink journal, and a package of pink heart shaped post-it notes. I’m feeling the pink!

Tomorrow I’ll become nipple less, but damn I’ll be looking good!

Today I’m feeling so relieved that I had the chance to talk to my kids and explain what I’m going through. I just couldn’t hold it inside another day it was so hurtful to keep it from them. I was honest and asked their opinion on the different treatment options to allow them to feel actively involved, while letting them know at the same time that breast cancer survival is at an all time high. You will have to pardon me for not getting into and sharing with you the more personal emotions that transpired, that I wish to keep private between the three of us.

I’ve had some pretty big boulders thrown my way throughout my life that weighed me down. This is just a larger boulder to carry for a time that I will eventually throw on the rock pile and climb once again.

***So from this day forward I will count my blessings and get up each day placing one foot in front of the other and continue down the road to becoming a survivor. ***

Thunder rolled through my stomach as Dr. E.D came to the waiting room to greet my husband and I leading us off to a small room. The minute he opened the door and I saw the chairs and couch with a small round table centered between them, I knew we were doomed as the door closed behind us.

Dr E.D said, “this is never easy, and there is no easy way to say it. Your lab report came back and it does show some cancer of the breast.”

I had so many questions yet, I couldn’t think of not one at that moment, I couldn’t open my mouth. My husband asked the tough questions as I tried to get a grip mentally.

A nurse entered the room and placed a book on the coffee table in front of me, my eyes scanned the cover that read, Your Breast Cancer Treatment Handbook. Suddenly my world had come to a complete standstill as I gulped back the tears everything that followed appeared to be in slow motion.

Dr. E.D does not recommend a mastectomy, but the removal of the areola, nipple, and 2 lymph nodes is advised, along with 6 weeks of radiation therapy to the remaining tissue to prevent any recurrence.

Lumpectomy surgery is schedule for this Friday, so tomorrow morning I will have some pre surgery testing done, EKG, bloodwork, and a MRI.

The thought of having to tell my kids is weighing pretty heavy on my mind and heart. I just don’t know how to tell them. They’ve lost to many loved one’s in the past few years to cancer, so hearing this disturbing news come out of their mother’s mouth will be devastating to them.

This is all happening so quickly it’s been complete chaos leaving me totally exhausted and feeling over whelmed with many different emotional feelings.